I was raised in a house full of “brainiacs”. From my perspective, my siblings effortlessly made A’s and were called “the smart children” by my parents. On the contrary, I was the poster child for Hooked-on-Phonics (if you don’t remember those commercials, you are too young to read this!). I was not actually diagnosed with a speech impediment… but I was older than eleven before I could naturally say a sentence, out loud, without freezing or getting tongue tied!
By the time I hit middle school, I knew my intellectual potential would entail working hard to be a B average student. Acceptance of this fact created a strong work ethic within me, which I am proud of— and I’ve been goal oriented since.
Instead of settling for a fixed mindset as the “dunce”, I continuously told myself that “I can do better”. This mantra, got me through college, and eventually through graduate school—where I received a 4.0 GPA upon graduating.
Now as lovely as this sounds, this particular journey of mine comes with baggage. See, I never fully believed that I was competent enough to reach the standard of “better”. As a result, the same mantra that ignited perseverance has also embedded an internal fear of “I’m not good enough”. So, it became natural for me to compare myself… because that is where I sought the definition of enough.
The theme of feeling inferior has plagued me for longer than I remember. I can recall receiving the position of line captain in dance team, junior year of high school, thinking the title was a fluke accident. I just knew other teammates were better and deserved the position more—I thought I was an imposter.
(Looking back, I think I was pretty good 🙂 and what really mattered was that I truly enjoyed to dance.)
This fear stifled a good bit of potential goals and even hobbies I’ve had. Whenever I wanted to start or continue something new, I beat myself to the punch with “if I couldn’t be the best, then why try”?
Imposter syndrome is a major buzzword right now, and it’s a real challenge that many of us face.
As a grown woman, though I’ve developed more confidence, the feeling of inadequacy still lingers. As a counselor at a university, I love my job! However, I compare & am always so fearful that I am not doing enough at work and can do better. This feeling of inferiority has heightened ever since my autoimmune disease, Myasthenia Gravis, took a toll on my body & lifestyle. After my series of 6 hospitalizations, I get a sense of guilt when I take a day off due to my illness—and I let it skew my viewpoint of my value and worth within the position.
If you can relate and identify with thoughts of imposter syndrome then this means you are aware—which is HALF the battle.
I too, am now aware, and working towards believing in myself more. I am starting to realize that it is not about being THE best, it’s about being MY best. “Better” is defined as an improvement to who I was yesterday… AND pat myself on the back for it.
Though this is a working progress, with a little grace, I think I finally feel that I am moving towards feeling “enough”.
I hope to tell y’all my progress in future posts! Namaste
How can you give yourself MORE grace??
#imposter #moregrace #believeinyou
#MentalHealthMindset #CHunter #MindOverMG