In a heartbeat, my husband will say that I am the emotional spouse— which I will gladly own. Why not? Being emotionally intelligent is a gift to claim—it brings empathy, sympathy, and compassion towards situations and others. However, if you also claim this gift, you might be aware that it can get the best of you… IF you let it.

Just like any relationship, we’ve had our handful of heated moments—and our defense mechanisms that followed. Two in particular were my signature moves of “throwing my words like weapons” and “storming out of the room”.

That’s how I handled anger and fear—I hurt the person I love with sharp words and fled from the problem …

And through our college years, folks, I actually thought this was a healthy way to be heard

However, after the umpteenth time, the verbal & non-verbal actions that I wrongfully thought brought us closer together… were pushing us further apart.

As we matured, I realized that my actions were emotionally reactive. The truth is, when we are consumed by our emotions we tend to throw logic out of the window and aren’t able to see passed the given problem.  We also lose the WHY that drives us to react a certain way. In my personal example, I didn’t give myself time to identify my emotions or to realize why I felt them.

The dramatic actions and low-blows feel satisfying in the moment ONLY because they give us the illusion that we have full control of the situation. On the contrary, being reactive ACTUALLY means that we have chosen to relinquish accountability and give UP power over our own actions.

In the long run, rash decisions stifle growth in MAJOR aspects of our lives including relationships, career development, and goals we may have for ourselves.  We are also normally left feeling regret towards our actions.

Ultimately, we all have deeper reasons to why we emotionally react from time to time. Some of us have anxiety from the past, fear for the future, and/or some of us may not be aware that we often react based on emotion.

At the end of the day, we need to recognize that our words and actions are powerful tools of expression that can either have a negative or positive impact towards a situation. We can create more positive and/or peaceful outcomes by being proactive.

To be emotionally proactive means to take responsibility of your choices. When we are proactive towards our emotions we:

  • Identify our emotions
  • Allow time to process said emotions before we react
  • Accept
    • that we do not have control over others’ emotions
    • we only have so much control over external stimuli
  • Take responsibility for our words and actions

In reference to my personal story, the more my husband and I practice emotional proactivity, the more we actually hear each other.

 When we practice a proactive mindset, we are able to find the WHY we feel a certain way and are able to choose HOW we react. In doing so, we grant ourselves the control over our actions.

How can you be more proactive in your life?


C. Hunter

#wordsforgood #emotionalproactive #proactive

#peace #CHUNTER #healthycommunication

#MentHealthMindset #AspiretoEmpower